Breaking and Entering - Karkat's Ohio Adventure

[Karkat, Jonesy, and Peter make idle conversation.]

Eminem:

May I have your attention please?

[Karkat and Co. continue talking amongst themselves.]

Eminem:

I think we should take inventory of our wares.
If we plan on taking on the FCC, we need to know what we have.
Stack up your guns and ammo and we can pool together our resources.

[Everyone lays out their items.]

Jonesy:	We all look well defended... well, except for Karkat. Here, take my auto-shotgun.
Karkat:	THANKS, ASSHOLE.

[Meanwhile, at the FCC Launch Base...]

Ajit:	Hello again, Omoriboy... I'm sure you know why you're here.
Omoriboy:	I really don't fucking know.

[Ajit shows footage of Karkat on the roof shooting at FCC agents, as seen previously on Karkat's Ohio Adventure.]

Ajit:

You know what we put in that soy we gave you, right?
Bombs.
Goodbye, you useless piece of shit.

[Ajit Detonates the bombs in Omoriboy's bloodstream, killing him instantly.]

Ajit:

Damn. now I need to clean this office again. Wonder how Jimmy Beast is doing...

[Ajit calls up MrBeast.]

MrBeast:	Hey Ajit! We're on our final tests of the new Sigma-7 chasis. It's been going well so far, having tanked 57 MrBreast wrapped Ferraris at once. Before you ask, we've been able to synthesize more of that "Grimace Shake", you requested, this time it appears even more potent. Unfortunately there's no way we could get that Karkat guy to ingest one of them again.
Ajit:	And the weapon I've heard you've been developing?.
MrBeast:	You mean the MRB BTC-3000? You'll see soon enough...
Ajit:	Whatever.

[Ajit eats an entire box of Reese's Puffs in one sitting before returning to cleaning up his office.]

Peter:	What the fuck?
Karkat:	OMORIBOY...
Karkat:	THE FCC WILL PAY FOR THIS.
Eminem:	I haven't seen shit like that since I was living in Detroit. Anyone know where that could've been?
Peter:	Not a freakin' clue.
Jonesy:	Well, shit.
Jonesy:	How can we get to the FCC without knowing where they are? Especially without revealing ourselves...
Eminem:	Just fucking ram into 'em with the Battle Bus. Can't fight us if they're dead.
Jonesy:	It's a giant blue bus, Em. Ain't no way they couldn't fight against it.

[Later, the group sits at a makeshift table made of scrap metal on seats from the bus.]

Eminem:

God damn, I'm really hungry...

[Eminem helps himself to Mom's spaghetti.]

Karkat:	IF THAT WAS THAT NOOKSTAIN MRBEAST IN THE CUTAWAY, MAYBE WE COULD FIND ONE OF HIS FRIENDS... GET THE INFORMATION WE NEED THAT WAY... THOUGH IT WONT BE EASY TO FIND ONE OF THOSE PEEASSES.
Jonesy:	Yeah, seems like a good idea.
Eminem:	I can diss them with my scathing raps.
Karkat:	I VOTE WE GO AFTER CHANDLER... I NEVER LIKED THAT GUY.
Peter:	Sounds sweet, one question though, where is he?

[Suddenly, Peter's cutaway gag powers view Chandler, driving away from an Arby's.]

Chandler:	This shit is dry as hell. It's a good thing I'm driving to my home at 1234 Ohio Rizz Street, Skibidi, Ohio, where I can drink copious amounts of water to get this dry ass taste out my mouth. lmao.
Karkat:	HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU JUST FLASH TO THESE RANDOM ASS EVENTS? IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
Peter:	I don't know, but it's freaking epic.

[Karkat and gang appear at Chandler's house.]

Karkat:

THIS IS IT. LETS BUST THE FUCK IN.

[Peter smashes through the front door like in Wario Land 4 for the Gameboy Advance. Karkat and co. file in.]

[Karkat finds a MRBREAST credit card on the table, and pockets it for later use.]

Jonesy:	Man, this is just like Tilted.
Eminem:	Keep your voice down, will ya? We don't want to be found out.
Karkat:	GUYS, I THINK IT'S THAT CHANDLER NOOKSUCKER. LET'S JUMP HIS ASS.

[Karkat and co. jump into Chandler's living room, each saying their classic catchphrases.]

Karkat:	HEY ASSHOLE!
Jonesy:	Take the L!
Eminem:	Now this looks like a job for me!
Peter:	Freakin' sweet!
Chandler:	Holy... What the Beast!
Karkat:	WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MRBEAST, NOOKSUCKER!
Karkat:	HEY ASSHOLE! TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT MRBEAST!
Chandler:	MrBeast... isn't that a famous OhioTuber?
Karkat:	DON'T PLAY ME DUMB, YOU SHIT! I KNOW DAMN WELL YOU WORK WITH THAT NOOKSUCKER.
Chandler:	! think you have the wrong house... whoever you are. You look familiar... Karkitty?

[Karkat has a flashback to all the people who called him Karkitty. Omoriboy, Nepeta, Silly Cat, all the people who he knew in his past... a time he could never return to.
in rage, Karkat pulls out his shotgun, threatening to kill Chandler.]

All:	Whoa what the fuck!!
Jonesy:	What the shit is wrong with you, Karkat!
Chandler:	Okay, okay, I work with Jimmy. I'll tell you what you want to know.
Jonesy:	Where is Jimmy's base of operations?
Chandler:	North of tilted, at MRB East. I can mark it for you on your tactical map, which can be opened by pressing [R3] on your controller.
Peter:	Freakin-
Karkat:	[R3]?

[Suddenly, Chandler is hit by a speeding vehicle crashing through his living room. It appears to be... woke?]

Karkat:	KAI CENAT!
Jonesy:	Holy fuck!
Eminem:	Is this part of an ambush? We'd better prepare.
Jonesy:	You can loot Chandler by pressing [E].
Karkat:	THE FUCK?

[Karkat looks in Chandler's pocket, finding a gum wrapper and 37 cents. He pockets the money.]

[In the other pocket, Karkat finds an MRB East keycard, along with an active mic.]

Karkat:	MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!
Karkat:	DID THEY FIND US?

[Karkat looks outside to see an FCC patrol vehicle pass by, unaware of the shit going down.]

Jonesy:

It doesn't look like it but we need to scram.

[Before leaving, Karkat and company steal ammunitions, food, and weapons from Chandler's home.]

Jonesy:

Only a matter of time before they find us. We'd better head out before they do.

[Karkat and co. return to their battle base.]

Karkat:	WHO WAS DRIVING THAT GAY-ASS CAR ANYWAYS?
Jonesy:	Bro, you can't say that! You'll piss off the [LGBTQ+ Community]! To view your faction reputation, press [Not Mapped] on your controller. Otherwise you can access it using the [REP] tab on the main menu.
Jonesy:	Alternatively, you can always just [Attack Faction Members] until your reputation is [Significantly Worse]. You can attack people by pressing-
Karkat:	I'M GONNA CUT YOU OFF RIGHT THERE.
Karkat:	YOU REMEMBER THAT CAR, RIGHT? YOU THINK IT WAS USING BOOST?
Karkat:	IF IT WAS... THINK WE COULD SCRAP IT FOR PARTS?
Jonesy:	and smash it through the FCC defenses? I think that could work, actually.

[END OF EPISODE 5]

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I make no claims of ownership of any material referenced In Karkat's Ohio Adventure.