[Karkat wakes up in the Ohio hotel, where the complemetary phone ringing.]
|
Karkat: |
WHO'S THIS ASSHOLE? CALLING ME IN MY OHIO HOTEL ROOM? |
[Karkat picks up.]
|
Phone Guy: |
Yo, it's me, the guy on the Ohio Phone, and I was just gonna ask you a few questions about your time in Ohio. |
|
Karkat: |
WHO ARE YOU, FIRST? |
|
Phone Guy: |
It's me, Freddy Fazbear, from hit video game series FNAF. |
|
Karkat: |
UHH... IN OHIO? |
|
Freddy: |
No shit, Karkat! |
|
Karkat: |
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW MY NAME, ASSHOLE? |
|
Freddy: |
Let's just say last night's Pizza order was tracked... What happens when they use an unsecured radio to clear the delivery driver's flight path... |
|
Karkat: |
SHIT! |
[Karkat hangs up the phone. He knows his time is limited.]
[Karkat leaves his hotel room, and lunges for the broom closet at the end of the hallway. Bombs go off in the room behind him.]
|
Karkat: |
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! THIS IS FUCKED! |
[Karkat picks up a bucket in the broom closet, while armed FCC personel walk down the hall, looking for him.
Karkat hides deeper in the closet.]
|
Karkat: |
CAN'T CATCH A BREAK IN THIS ENTIRE COUNTRY. |
[Karkat readies his Glock-17 handgun.]
|
Karkat: |
THIS IS LIKE IN HOMESTUCK WHEN THOSE MURDER DRONES ALMOST CAME BY MY HOME...
|
[The FCC soldiers pass by Karkat's closet, clearly not noticing him. Karkat prepares to make his escape.]
|
Karkat: |
THEY REALLY AREN'T PLAYING AROUND... THIS SHIT REALLY ISN'T FICTITIOUS. |
[Meanwhile in Tilted, Eminem and Jonesy are busy playing games at the local arcade, as Ohio sigma's often do.]
|
Jonesy: |
Hey Em, what track do you want to FC next? |
|
Eminem: |
I was thinking Buddy Holly by Weezer. Though if they have any of my own... |
|
Jonesy: |
Alright. |
|
Eminem: |
Heh, beating this reminds me of how I used to get the dub, as seen in my 2002 autobiographical film 8-Mile. |
|
Jonesy: |
You still got any of your Mom's Spaghetti? |
|
Eminem: |
[Pulls out a tupperware container] |
[Jonesy and Eminem head on over to a nearby restaurant, making idle conversation before seeing Karkat appear on the news.
Local Music Artist Karkat Vantas Seen Speeding, Evading Authorities, Threatening Local Soy Enthusiast.]
|
Eminem: |
Oh shit... |
|
Jonesy: |
Damn... |
|
Eminem: |
This is bad. They're probably gonna come after us too since he was found outside my place. |
[The news real swaps to a statement by Ohio's CEO, Ajit Pai.]
|
Ajit: |
Hello, Citizens of Ohio.
This tragedy never would've happened if it wasn't for net neutrality.
The wide spread of damaging content online, such as that produced by this "Troll-Themed Home-stuck"... |
|
Eminem: |
Jonesy, you seeing this shit? |
|
Jonesy: |
There's no way he has his reboot card on him, |
|
Eminem: |
Just wait 'till I get to use some of my hardcore diss raps. That'll show 'em. |
[Karkat hides in the closet and readies himself for escape. He makes sure to grab the bucket before leaving via a nearby fire exit.]
|
FCC1: |
So, I hear this target of ours used to be some kind of famous musician? I've never heard of any "Car Cat". |
|
FCC2: |
Heh, sure sounds like something a Homestuck'd do... Audience of none, much? |
|
Karkat: |
I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE. I SPEND HOURS A DAY PRODUCING MY TRACKS AND THEY HAVE
THE GALL TO TRY AND INSULT MY LIFE'S WORK. |
[Karkat climbs up the fire escape, then prepares to run up to take a leap off the hotel's roof and on to a nearby building.]
|
Karkat: |
TIME TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. |
|
FCC1: |
Hey, what's that up there? |
|
FCC2: |
Is that- That's our target! |
|
FCC2: |
(On Radio) We've got an OHIO guy on this roof - Appears to be the Troll you're after. |
[FCC1 and 2 start firing at Karkat from the ground.]
|
Karkat: |
FUCK, THEY'RE ON MY ASS...! |
[Karkat rolls on the ground and flattens out, then readies his gun. Karkat starts to shoot at the soldiers below him, taking out FCC2 with a well placed gut shot.]
|
FCC1: |
Shit... Requesting OHIO backup! |
[Karkat continues shooting at FCC1, but runs out of ammunition.]
|
Karkat: |
SHIT, THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN I TRIED TO PLAY FORTNITE WITH JONESY. |
|
Karkat: |
NOT THE BUCKET, DON'T WANT THAT FOLLOWING ME WHEN THIS SHIT'S OVER. |
[After ducking behind an AC unit, Karkat quickly decides to throw yesterday's pizza box at FCC1, before making a mad dash towards the nearby fire exit's ladder.
Once out of view, Karkat immediately breaks into another car, a 1995 Ford Mustang]
|
Karkat: |
WELL, I SURE AS HELL CAN'T GO BACK TO TILTED. |
[Karkat, after driving several towns over, calls Eminem and Jonesy from a payphone.]
|
Karkat: |
JONESY, THE FCC'S ON MY ASS. I NEED YOU TO HELP ME OUT HERE. |
|
Eminem: |
Where the hell are you at asshole? We'll come right over. |
|
Karkat: |
I'M OUT BY MT. VERNON. YOU'VE GOT TO COME TO ME HERE, I'LL EXPLAIN WHAT'S GOING ON WHEN I SEE YOU GUYS. |
|
Jonesy: |
Alright man, Em and I will be nitro-boosting over there ASAP, so no need to worry. You'll know it's us when you see our vehicle. |
|
Jonesy: |
Eminem, get the bus. |
[Jonesy and Eminem hop aboard the Battle Bus, as seen in Fortnite.]
|
Peter: |
Holy crap! This ride looks freakin' sweet! Sweeter than that time I was on Hot ones! |
|
Jonesy: |
We're going to help out my friend Karkat. You in? |
|
Peter: |
Dear Gyatt, that sounds worse than the time I stabbed Nine-Inch Nails through each one of my eyelids. |
[Peter hops aboard the Battle Bus.]
[Karkat examines his surroundings while he waits for Jonesy and co. to arrive.
He noitcies a nearby McDonalds closing down, a placard citing cross-contamination with the poisonous Grimace Shake.]
|
Karkat: |
I SWEAR TO GYATT. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY. |
|
Jonesy: |
Karkat, we're here! Get in! |
|
Peter: |
It's good we managed to find you. Otherwise it would be worse than that time I tripped while hitting the Griddy. |
|
Eminem: |
Hey Karkat. Hope you're holding up alright. |
[Jonesy drives the Battle Bus offroad, Peter, Jonesy, and Eminem get to setting up a fort to spend the night, while Karkat prepares himself for the days ahead.]
|
Peter: |
This base is turning out freakin' sweet, Jonesy! |
[END OF EPISODE 4]