DAMN, I'M HUNGRY...
FINALLY, SOMETHING FOR LUNCH.

Number 15:
The last person you want to walk into your Burger King establishment is Karkat Vantas,
a popular singer-songwriter from Ohio. But as it turns out... that may be what you get...

OKAY?

This live event, recorded on our CCTV system,
depicts Karkat Vantas, known for recording and producing Karkalicious,
walking into a Burger King Establishment and demanding a Burger King burger for lunch.
Little does he know this Burger King's IP adresss is 123.45.67.89.101112.

DO YOU DO THIS WITH EVERY CUSTOMER WHO WALKS IN HERE?
ACTUALLY THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY THERE ISN'T ANYONE ELSE IN THIS BURGER KING.
ONLY A TRULY IDIOTIC NOOKSUCKER WOULD COME HERE AGAIN AFTER THIS SERVICE.

FUCK YOU, CHILLS.
MAKE MY FUCKING BURGER OR I'M LEAVING THIS SHITHOLE.

Number 14... man does "something" to fast food order...

Here you go... (quitely) bitch.

THANK YOU.

The last thing you want is for that to be $29.99, but that will be what you get.

FUCK THIS, FUCK YOU, AND FUCK BURGER KING!
CAN'T EVEN GET CHEAP FAST FOOD IN OHIO.

THIS TASTES LIKE ASS.
A SHITLOAD OF FUCKING ASS.
I'M GONNA BE SICK.

UGH...
THAT WAS THE WORST BURGER OF MY LIFE.
I'M GONNA BE SICK.

I DON'T THINK THAT WAS JUST A SHITTY BURGER.
I THINK IT WAS POISONED...

JONESY, I THINK I WAS POISONED.

Heh, only in Michigan!

THIS ISN'T FUNNY, ASSHOLE! I SWEAR TO KAI CENAT!
I CAN'T LET CHILLS GET THE VICTORY ROYALE ON ME.

Oh sh*t, Chills?
...hold on...

That's fucked up.
My friend Eminem might be able to do something about this.

Hi, my name is (huh)
my name is (what)
my name is (who?)
my name is-

SHUT UP, ASSHOLE!

THAT ASSHOLE, CHILLS, GAVE ME A GRIMACE SHAKE. I'M ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE.
` THIS IS WORSE THAN THE TIME I WAS ON THE METEOR IN ACT 5 ACT 2 OF HOMESTUCK.

Catch me up to speed, Karkat. Reading is for nerds.

UGH, JONESY, THIS IS SERIOUS.
IT'S A LONG STORY AND I DON'T SHOW UP FOR 2000 PAGES,
BUT YOU CAN'T SKIP THE FUNNY ANTICS OR YOU'RE A REAL NOOKSUCKER.

uhh, ok.

ANYWAYS, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU HELP HERE, EMINEM?

Well, I can rap pretty fast
You need an example?
Uh, sama lama duma lama, you assumin' I'm a human
What I gotta do to get it through to you, I'm superhuman?
Innovative and I'm made of rubber,
So that anything you say is ricochetin' off of me and it'll glue to you
I'm devastating, more than ever demonstrating-

HOW TO SHUT THE HELL UP?
(Karkat groans in pain.)

AUGH!
ALRIGHT EMINEM, HEL ME OUT HERE.
I ONLY HAVE AROUND 10 HOURS LEFT BEFORE I DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH.

Okay, if you come over to my place, I can help you out.
I live in the Tilted Towers apartments.

You'll be able to get into my flat by asking for the Real Slim Shady to stand up.

Alright, I'm gonna eat this candy now.
Wait... that's like... my name. What the Fu-

ALRIGHT. I'D BETTER DRIVE TO TILTED. OR THIS POISON IS GONNA MAKE ME DIE IN REAL LIFE.

IT'S A GOOD THING NOBODY POLICES SPEED LIMITS IN OHIO!

SHIT!

Do you have any idea how fast you were going?

UHH...
NO?

Alright, well, I need to write you a speeding ticket, do you have your ID?

I DUNNO, DO YOU?

What?

WAIT, WAS THAT MICHEAL JORDAN?
DAMN, THAT'S CRAZY!

WILL THE REAL SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP?

Slim Shady, bitch?

YEAH, THAT'S THE FUCKER.

One moment, bitch.
(shouting into a microphone) Uhh, Slim Shady, some bitch here wants to see you!

Yo Karkat, what's rizzing? My name is Eminem, and I like to rap.

I've got the stuff set up for cancelling Grimace, but I'm gonna need you to sign up on Twitter first.

IT'S CALLED "X" NOW.
ARE YOU FROM THE LAND OF MORONS AND IDIOTS?
OH WAIT, THAT'S JUST OHIO.

I'm from Detroit.
Did you even watch 8-Mile?
It was a biography written, by me, about the beginning of my rap career.

Whatever, I'll just make sure to write a scathing diss rap about you next.

SORRY, SLIM SHADY.
I WAS BUSY DRIVING OVER HERE SO I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO WATCH YOUR SHIT MOVIE FROM 2002.

OK asshole, whatever.
Here's what we need to do, Karkat.
First, you'll need to log into your "X" account, and let me record a scathing diss rap directed at Grimace. Once I'm done, we at McDonalds with the content.

YOU SURE THIS WILL WORK?

Yeah, it happens all the time. Be lucky I don't charge you for this.

Yo Grimace, you make me grimace, a pained expression like eating at McDonalds. Fuck you Ronald the only good commercials you had were still pretty bad -and Ohio- actually produced in Japan. I am from Detroit, the US is my city, and unlike your food, my diss raps aren't shitty! Ya-yeet, I've gyatt the rizz the shake, if there's one thing you don't know how to do, it's the Harlem Shake! I can bop Whip Nae Nae and Super Mario that Hoe, I crank and I roll cause i'm Eminem, yo!

THANKS EMINEM! YOU'RE A REAL "SIGMA", SHADY. I FEEL A LOT BETTER ALREADY.

You're welcome, one rapper to another.
Don't make me regret this, or I'll diss you in my next album, "9-Mile (The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)"

THANK YOU EMINEM. YOU TRULY ARE THE REAL SLIM SHADY.

Hello, Karkat.

HOLY- SHIT!
MICHEAL JORDAN?

I know, right? I didn't think I'd be pulling over Karkat, from hit song "Karkalicious"!

YEAH, IT'S CRAZY.

Unfortunately, since you ran away from the police, I'm gonna have to send you to prison...
In Ohio!

AWW HELL NAH!

DAMN IT!