Man, tonight's a hot one. We've got a very special guest here for you guys tonight. The troll themed and highly esteemed Karkat Vantas! Yes, that songwriter and performer. Now Karkat, what would you like to say to our live studio audience?

FUCK YOU, I'M ONLY HERE FOR THE CHICKEN.

Whoa, you can't say that on TV!
Anyways, Karkat, you recently released a hit song. Could you tell us what the definition of "Karkalicious" is?

KARKALICIOUS DEFINITION, MAKES TEREZI LOCO. DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO THE FUCKING TRACK?

No, no, I loved your track. Great lyricism all around. Though I couldn't help but notice that towards the end you cuss out Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Is this that start of the newest rap beef?

DO I LOOK LIKE KENDRICK LAMAR?
NO, I WAS ANGRY BECAUSE I LOOKED AT THE BLACK EYED PEAS CD I WAS USING FOR METADATA THAT HAD "TASTY" SPELLED INCORRECTLY. I ASSUME FERGIE WAS THE DOUCHEMUFFIN RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT BLUNDER.

I think the album art was made by Markus Klinko, if that changes anything.

DOESN'T MATTER. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHICKEN ANYWAYS, I'M GETTING "HANGRY", BITCH.

I think that uses our station's swearing quota for the night, Karkat.

[---] YOU! SHOVE TWO OF THEM UP YOUR [---]!
[---] IT.

Alright, Karkat, I hope you're prepared for the first plate of chicken on the hit show "Hot Ones", because it's coming in hot! The scariest part is it's a sauce you know too, because we partnered with many around the world to bring a new and exclusive spicy version of grubsauce, as seen in the hit webcomic Homestuck.
Speaking of, how was your time on Homestuck?

HOMESTUCK WAS PRETTY BASED. I REMEMBER- WELL I REMEMBER I WAS CONFLICTED BECAUSE THE SET WOULD GET PRETTY DRAMATIC AT TIMES, BUT I MADE A LOT OF FRIENDS. LIKE DAVE, HE'S BASED. ALSO, "FWUGRADIATION" WAS WORKING ON A GAME LAST I CHECKED IN WITH HIM, HE CONTRIBUTED A LOT OF THE MUSIC AND MIXING TO THE PROJECT.

What game? The Among Us themed Halloween Hack sequel?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE [---] YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

THIS IS HOT GARBAGE, WHAT THE FU[---] IS THIS. WHAT KIND OF ABSOLUTE IGNORAMUS DID YOU HIRE TO MAKE THIS GYATTAWFUL SH[---]?

BP Oil.

THAT EXPLAINS SEVERAL THINGS.

Alright, so I've seen several reports that you participate in local "kissing game" tournaments regularly. Do you have anything to say about that, Karkitty?

MAN, FU[---] -OU
THE GUY CENSORING THIS [---] SUCKS AT HIS JOB.

Man, [fuck] you!

ANYWAYS, BECAUSE YOU ASKED. I PLAY SO MANY [---]IN' KISSING GAMES DUDE.
I KISS 6 TO 10 GAMES A DAY.

I think a lot of people watching don't know what kissing games are.

SO YOU KNOW QUAKE III, RIGHT?
IT'S LIKE THAT.

and bucket throwing?

YOU THROW A BUCKET, THAT'S IT. SEE WHAT KIND OF DAMAGE YOU CAN CAUSE.
IT'S CATHARTIC.

Alright, liberal
Speaking of liberals, how's your relationship been?

I FAIL TO SEE HOW THAT'S RELEVANT, [---]WAD.

THINGS HAVE BEEN GOOD WITH OMORIBOY, EXCEPT FOR WHEN HE SOLD EVERYTHING IN THE FRIDGE AND REPLACED IT WITH 30 BOTTLES OF SOYLENT.
HE WAS NOT REAL FOR THAT.

HE ALSO STEALS MY SETUP SOMETIMES AND MAKES HORRENDOUS BEATS AND [---] FOR ME TO USE
ALL OF THEM ARE DERIVITAVE OF PREVIOUS WORKS - HE LITERALLY JUST SAMPLES A PREVIOUS SONG AND LIKE... CHANGES THE MELODY TO HOT TRASH.
I COULD DO BETTER WITH CRAYONS DUDE. LIKE LITERALLY - GIVE ME SOME CRAYONS.

T's funny you mention that, Karkat! This episode we've been sponsered by Crayola. Use the code MAHDICK for 15% off your next order!

WHY THE [---] CAN YOU SAY MAH[---] BUT I CANT SWEAR?
THAT'S 1984-CODED, I SHOULD KNOW, I READ THE BOOK. THE SCARIEST PART IS THEY CHANGE THE LANGUAGE YOU KNOW TOO.
IT'S LIKE A DOCUMENTARY.

Like Idiocracy?

EXACTLY.

Alright Karkat, here's a big one.
How do you feel about the new Drake™ album?

DRAKE IS ASS, ONLY MOTHERS LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC.
AND DIDDY BLUDS. AS SOMEONE WHO WAS RAISED BY A CRAB, I DON'T THINK THAT THAT [---] [---] MUSIC IS ACCEPTABLE TO ANYONE'S EARS. GONNA DISS ME DRAKE? GEN Y ME, BRUH?

I think this is the first time we've served beef on this show! *laughs*

SCREW YOU.

Alright, well I can get you the next plane, Karkat. In fact, it's right over here.

...

WHAT THE F[---] IS WRONG WITH YOU.

You need to drink this. Ohio Broadcasting Company needs this interview.

ALRIGHT YOU [---] WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. YOU DRAG ME ON THIS AND SERVE ME INEDIBLE SLOP? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ACTUAL FOOD?
ONLY IN BILL CLINTON'S AMERICA.

Another question, this time from our viewers. *ahem*, Karkat, what is your favorite Homestuck color?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.

Like what color of Homestuck is your favorite. Red Homestuck, Blue Homestuck, Green Homestuck...

Burgundy Homestuck...

you mean like the entirety of Homestuck but hue-shifted a certain amount?

Yeah. Exactly.

I DUNNO, GREEN'S PRETTY BASED.

Good, we hate blue fans.

OKAY...?

Alright, anywas, we've got a another plate for y'all tonight, We've partnered with a certain Ohioan celebrity. Say hello to the Chicken Big Mac!

OH BOY. HOPEFULLY SOMETHING EDIBLE.

WHAT THE FUCK IS T[---] SHIT!
GET THIS FUC[---] GARBAGE OUT OF HERE. WHO THE FUCK IS RESPONSIBLE?

That would be Kai Cenat.

WELL TELL KAI CENAT, THAT HIS FUCKING CHICKEN IS ASS. I SWEAR TO GYATT-